Summary: He abused me.
I spoke up & out.
Cobb County: Painted me the abuser.

THE PURGE: CRYING IS OK, IT'S A CLEANSE 11/10/2022 2:27 pm:

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After posting my TicTok (top of the screen) I have remained in isolation. Outside of my mother and the children that live with me. I have not spoken to anyone. Nor has Curtis cowardly ass reached out to me. The entire Jackson & Francis families are afraid of my truth which is to be expected. No one has inquired about my son's first day of Pre-K which was yesterday. Which was amazing! As their feelings have been hurt by MY truth. And their afraid to face me. Therefore: my children are causalities of war. My gift is the ability to see the good in everyone with a matter of fact-ness that they cannot comprehend nor have never experienced. Therefore, I scare them.

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I see unacknowledged beauty in broken-ness.

 

For me these actions are to be expected. I accept and love them. As now I know them for who they truly are, instead of what I wanted them to be through my rose-colored glasses. For that I already forgave them. I'm just wondering how long it's going to take them to forgive themselves. My passion to move forward is misinterpreted for anger. Which is frustrating. I am passionate about creating an unbreakable foundation of trust. Because I GIVE A DAMN. They live in mind. Therefore, I anticipate myself and children will remaining invisible to them.

 

Currently their drifting through the fog with spontaneous emotional turbulence, tightly gripping the landing gear for dear life wishing for visibility to land for a safe landing.

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When you should stop take a breath. Loosen the fucking death grip on the landing gear. Then put that bitch in autopilot. Because you trust your instruments to do what they were created to do:  LAND YOUR ASS SAFELY ON THE GROUND.

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To explain: You have to stop. Remove the distractions (self-reflect) accept that you did fucked up shit. Because _______ what ever the explanation is. Then you acknowledge the person. Now trusting your intuition and MOVE THE FUCK FORWARD.

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I stayed in that abusive relationship with Michael and his family because like I mentioned in my memoir, he was familiar to me. Through my healing I finally traced the familiarity back:

 

The verbal abuse and spankings I received from my dad. 

My mother NEVER hit me. My mother always talked with me and explained things to me. There was one time when she pretended to beat me by hitting the bunkbed and telling me to yell, just to satisfy his families learned #silentabuse tactics. 

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As a little girl: I learned my expectations from a man (my dad) 

was for them to mistreat me.

And to allow myself to be violated by them.

 

That’s what dads that grow up in dysfunctional families unknowingly teach their daughters. 

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By their daughter's observation of their interaction with their father or what society teaches you when you lack a father. Never with clear communication.

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For me now: I know my daddy saw me as his little girl. As although he did not have the words. He always had the actions. Wither it's going to the store in the middle of the night just to find me an apple. Or ensuring we had family vacations. That were fun as fuck! That's a non-verbal action of a man who loves his daughter. 

 

In truth I have spanked and hurt the feelings of all of my kids as I’ve been under complete stress, overwhelmed and unable to identify why I was angry. BECAUSE I was unknowingly repeating a cycle, I was familiar with. But HATED. #silentabuse.

 

Acting on my emotions. 

 

I ALWAYS take responsibility and apologize to my kids. Because, after I give myself a moment. To think about what the fuck is really bothering me. It has nothing to do with them. I apologize quickly because I know what it feels like to have your feelings hurt by others that are supposed to love and support you. I built a foundation of trust: I can always believe my kids. Which is NOT common practice in black households. 

 

I then make up for it by actively engaging with my kids! With things they love to do. It soothes the yearn of my inner kid that never had the experience of a cohesive family. As I’ve always had to be responsible to manage the emotions of adults as a child. Who could not properly express themselves. To then as an adult manage the emotions of other adults who have also experienced repeated #silentabuse. 

My mother broke our families generational curse by always talking with me, explaining and guiding me. She allowed me to experience things I now know others haven't. A mom who talked with me instead of AT ME.

 

Now I’m teaching my kids my lessons and allow them a space for their emotions. 

Because it's the CHILDREN in this type of family dynamic who experience the true trauma of #silentabuse. As it’s the children who have been violated when they are taught:

 

Holding back emotions is a sign of maturity.

Children are to be seen and not heard. Silenced.

Receiving a spanking or an ass whooping, followed up with smiles, gifts or being nice to me. Instead of an apology. 

When family members use sarcasm at a child. It causes confusion to the mind, as sarcasm has not been explained to them.

Instead, the family collectively uses it as a weapon against the children. And then laugh

 

To understand why Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family Dynamic matters to me so much. You would have to be a party on my numerous land lengthy IEP zoom meetings. I have been in for the last 2 years. I choose my specific county because: their special education program has a superior social emotional evaluation process to identify my kids TRUE struggles so that WE as a collective make accommodation to support them both in school and at home with the trauma they've experienced. 

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This dynamic creates: Avoidant Personality Disorder: My son Amari 11:

 

Which are chronic feelings of inadequacy. These individuals are highly sensitive of being negatively judged by others. Though they would like to interact with others, they tend to avoid social interaction due to the intense fear of being rejected by others. So, they avoid situations that they fear and believe they will not be successful with the outcome (friends, someone liking you, passing a test, getting the winning shot) = The Wining at all cost trait.

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Being highly sensitive of being negatively judged by others creates EBD: Emotional Behavioral Disorder and is characterized by excesses, deficits or disturbances of behavior. The child's difficulty is now emotionally based and cannot be adequately explained by intellectual, sensory, general health factors.

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And mimic Anti-Social Anxiety Disorder: My son Anthony 8:

Characterized by impulsive, irresponsible and often criminal behavior. Someone with antisocial personality disorder will typically be manipulative, deceitful and reckless, and will not care for other people's feelings.

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For me: This family dynamic creates children who are unable to maintain healthy relationships because there is so much internal fear of them being criticized by others:  When in fact most of the time people don't give a damn about your flaws if you're an amazing person with a great giving spirit.  When you fuck up take ownership and be honest.

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In this family dynamic children are not allowed.

and therefore, struggle to feel comfortable when in the Prescence of others,

who can do things that they believe they cannot.

They fear their mask will fall and they will be seen:

As an ability to be perfect. 

So, they need to fit in with the crowd.

 

This family dynamic teaches the children their unworthy of being accepted by others

because if they show their true self. They will be abandoned #Silenced
 

Basic human being needs is Love & community Support.

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Although I have been abandoned

I teach my kids their worthy of accepted within their own family

My kids become overly critical of their own self in an attempt to fit in.

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As they grow into ego centered adults, they will also wear masks to fit in

SO, I REFUSE TO BE. #Silenced.

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 we have to #speakup on the #silentabuse that happens within black families almost everywhere.

Which is influenced by their outdated family culture.

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As a child, I learned how to be quiet. Then I became the silent observing adult. At the time of typing this. I finally realize what I've always really wanted was: 

 

My Dad Wayne Moore to see. And hear me.

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Now, I see myself and therefore truly see how much he cares, loves and is proud of all the things he sees me do. Even if he doesn't know how to say it properly. He at least tries!  No longer am I waiting for SOMEONE or SOMETHING outside of myself to #speakup. 

 

Two years ago, I had my own mental break down from the constant #silentabuse and family betrayal. Hard scrambled with my already twice concussed head. The need to be free sent me on an emotional journey for spiritual healing for something that I’ve always wanted as a child:

 

To have a complete family foundation, that was built on unconditional love. One that engaged with each other. We would hang out. Laugh to tears together, build each other up, learn from each other. Prank each other, supported each other. And our kids knew each other just as much. My mother kept her kids separate because of her #silentabuse. 

 

I’VE FULLY GIVEN MYSELF PERSMISSION TO SPEAK THE FUCK UP. SO SHOULD YOU.

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My purpose is to blow the whistle on this toxic family dynamic and show you:

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BROKEN FAMILIES CAN BE FIXED. 

WITH A PURGE OF #SPEAKUP 

ON YOUR #SILENTABUSE.

 

 I believe it's everyone's life purpose to break their families' generational curses. When you #speakup about #silentabuse. Then you’ve freed your family from the generational demons Everyone moving forward is free to be a creative, innovative and a balanced unconditional loving human being without fear and anxiety. Which leads to stress, and then a heart attack which is the true #1silentkiller.

 

Michael, The Jackson's & The Francis's are all bonded together by their deep dark traumas. Our future does not include them.

But I beleive human beings are all resilient. When you stop. Listen. Acknowledgement. Then fill them up with purposeful love.